Zip it While You're Unzipped

this is a post for men. sorry ladies. i will post for you in the coming months.
to many men are breaking the man law of the public bathroom (Article 3.21-B in your man law manual.) this concerns me because if men will break one of the most basic of the man laws, then what next? men buying lap dogs, naming them tootsie and putting a bow and an embroidered sweater on it? we all know that brings a penalty of revoking of the man card on the spot when another man calls you on it.
the following is a list of rules all men need to know and follow when in a public restroom:

1. if you are standing at a urinal, and there is another man in the urinal next to you, EYES FORWARD. no arguments. no discussion. that's the rule. follow it! if you own a restaurant, as a follower of this law i would like to request putting newspapers up in front of the urinals. this encourages eyes forward.

2. if there is no divider between urinals and you are on an end unit, aim towards the wall. if you are in the center, get as close as possible to the urinal. we all have periphery, and no one wants to catch an accidental glimpse.

3. no talking. i don't wanna stirring conversation while i'm peeing. talk to me at the sink while i'm washing my hands. and guys, wash your hands. for goodness sake. just do it.

3.A) conversations are allowed if you see a close friend. close friend will be defined as someone you would walk up to a kick in the booty while they were standing at the urinal and both parties would find that funny. if one of the parties would not find that funny, no talking until the sink.

3.B) conversations are allowed if the person is not a close friend, but an acquaintance and you were talking with the person when you entered the restroom. this is the continuance clause.

3.C) this is not a conversation, but an "i'm sorry, dude . let me buy you a beer" is not only allowed, but for your safety highly recommended in the event that your aim fails you and you pee on your neighbors shoe.

4. if man 1 is at urinal, man 2 must skip a space. proper etiquette says that if you have your choice of any urinal you go for the outside first. allowing more space for proper skipage. if there 2 urinals and a stall, and one urinal is taken, man 2 must take the stall. if there are 2 adult urinals, and 1 kids urinal, man 2 may have to use the kids if that's proper skipage. if there are multiple stalls, proper skipage must be used there also.

5. sword fighting is never allowed. ever!

6. always leave the seat up. if you are married i know this goes against everything you've been taught, but that way if a dude has to drop a deuce he is the only one who has to touch the toilet seat. remember that this rule is only in a men's public restroom. i don't want any of you guys blaming me when you get in trouble at home for leaving the seat up.

7. if you have to drop a deuce, courtesy flush. often. need i say more?

8. farting is ok. its the men's room. let 'em fly boys!! feel free to complement them.

i think that bringing these rules back to the limelight, the world we be a better place. at least the men's room will be. speaking of which, excuse me...

coogin'widfriens

welcome to the nfl playoff version of meatheads good times! (forever to be referred to in this blog as mgt.) and what playoff game would be complete without food? a bad one. that's what.
so i prolly won't talk about football. more food.
but for you die hard football fans, john mcclane says, get it...die hard,john mcclane?...anywho, john mcclane says look for steelers/eagles in the super bowl. steelers are built for cold weather, which doesn't help much in tampa. look for the eagles in the super bowl by a touchdown. yippee ki-yay.
now that i've been distracted with bad jokes and pig skin, we go on to the food. tomorrow i will prepare gumbo. it will be a 3 hour or so affair that will end in full bellies and dreams of well, dreams. maybe we should listen to some roy orbison while we cook. roy orbison, you know "in dreams," "dream baby?" great music. you should check it out. distracted again. it is the first installment in 2009 of saturday lunch at manglers. or s.l.a.m. as we call it. (just made that up) just a reason to cook and hang with friends. and maybe drink a frosty cold adult beverage. its a great way to start your saturday.
we decided to go with the Alton Brown (food royalty) recipe for gumbo! we get to make a roux, shrimp stock which involves boiling shrimp heads and tails and also grill some andouille sausage. gots to love the pork. throw in some cayenne pepper, onions, peppers, celery, okra and bay leaves because all good meals involve bay leaves and that's some mgt good eats. plus we get to speak cajun, which is easier than you think. put no emphasis on any hard consonant, blend all words into one long one, then put a drunk french redneck sound to it and you may as well have been raised way down in louisiana close to new orleans, back up in the woods among the evergreens.
its just how the production and management staff here at mgt get down on the weekend. i would like to invite all loyal fans to join us one saturday. you won't regret it. unless i have a mental lapse and let stephen cook. punch me if i do that.
seriously. punch me. just not in the face. i'm kinda pretty.