Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Correction. I'm an Idiot.

in a previous post, "Strokin'," i made a reference to how good the album "reptilia" by the strokes is. the problem with that statement is, the strokes never did an album called "reptilia." "reptilia" is the second track from the album "room on fire." "room on fire" is a great album. in my opinion, the best the strokes have done to date.
now, to make things right.
i would like to apologize to the strokes first and foremost for claiming to be a fan, then making false claims.
next i would like to apologize to my unborn children. you should expect more out of your future father, and i should really set the bar much higher.
finally, i would like to apologize to my numerous fans whom i let down.
this mistake proves that i am not on any blog-enhancing drugs. i just hope all of the rumors linking me to steroids, balco, and barry bonds will now subside.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Staples in the Head, and Make Believe Doctors

today, i pulled a staple out of a persons head. it was AWESOME!!!! and not a staple from a bad office accident. a friend had a 4-wheelin accident and i was flattered when she chose me to remove the staple that the doctor had so painfully put in.
while preparing for the minor surgery, i asked a doctor at work if it was easy? i figured that since the doctor had given her the option of coming to the hospital and having it removed or having someone else take it out, how hard could it be. i will save you the suspense, i didn't kill her. the doctor at work told me that it was not as simple as it seems. when i watched some videos on America's learning center, youtube, i got a little worried. they were huge staples. one video made it sound like the guy removing the staples was surgeon and he said "don't try this at home" and then commented about getting squirted in the eye by blood when he removed the first staple.
turns out, the head staple works similar to an office staple. curls under and all. i was impressed at how far under it went. once i got the staple out, i realized that there was as much showing, as was under the skin. madness!!
luckily for me, she had a small staple (about the thickness of a standard office supply.) so instead of doing like the video said, i just cut the staple in half with some heavy duty wire cutters then pulled them out. she said on a scale of 1-10 with 1 not hurting, and 10 being getting all your limbs removed then being dipped in lime juice this was about a 4.5. but that was because i pulled the staple out slowly. but now that i know how long they are, i woulda just yanked those beeotches out therefore lowering the pain level to a 2. so i'd hope.
the moral of the story is, if i don't know how to do it, i can figure it out. like my 3rd favorite tv dr. (quick shout out to j.d from scrubs at #2 and of course doogie at #1) chris turk from scrubs said, "learn by doing." and if i think its gonna hurt, i'm just gonna give you a shot of bourbon. bottoms up!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Get on the Right Side

its time that we set something straight. which way is the proper way to walk when going down a hall/walkway and you approach another person? i propose that we all follow traffic laws of the country we are in. england, we go left. here in the good 'ol U.S. of A. we stay to the right. this will prevent the awkward dancing.
also this law should also apply to hugs. that way there is no chance of the accidental kiss. never good when 2 dudes hug.
these are the laws. obey them!
punishable by public flogging

Thursday, December 4, 2008

'Tis the Season

for Christmas parties!!!!!!!! as if the victoria's secret fashion show didn't officially kick of the holiday season, tonight is mrs. meathead's office Christmas party. this is a good time to be had by all. good eats (alton brown plug). good company (get the pun?). and OPEN BAR! i always know its Christmas when i see one of mrs. meat's drunk co-workers getting carried out.
kids these days.
tonight will be fun because infinity marketing does work with website pipeline where a couple of my friends work so that will be fun. this year they are having it at soby's loft (you have to say it with a smug accent) this year instead of at their office which will be fun but i will miss the coziness of the office and good 'ol cody johnson behind the bar. its always good when you know the bartender. i hope they let him do it tonight just for old times sake. then i will never have to wait in line for a beer.
hooray beer!