Practice Post
13 years ago
Friday, July 31, 2009
Look at Me!I Can Blog in the Go!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Toothless People, Unite!
so for the past month or so, i've been doing my best to drop a few lbs and get in better shape. this comes on the heels of a father's day sporting event where i played my brothers in football and i realized i was the fattest of the siblings. i also realized i was in the worst shape i have ever been in in my life. on a side note we did have a race and i did win. beat all my bro's. even the one who weighs 40 lbs less. and to all the peeps out there with brothers, isn't beating them in sporting events all that matters? anywho...
since i've been workin' out and eating better, i cut out sweets. this was hard bc i do have a sweet tooth. as some former and current co-workers can attest, downing a 1/2 dozen cookies in one sitting is no challenge at all. since i'm not eating sweets, i thought, "hey, what better time to compile my top 10 favorite candies." as with all my top 10's, this one goes to 11.
rules are, must be found in the gas station candy isle. and no specialty/local only style candy. i wanna be able to get it in greenville, omaha, truckee, anchorage, and everywhere in between. and no seasonal candy. sorry candy canes.
sooooooooo, here we go
11. regular m&m's. it's a staple. everybody loves it. unoffensive. convenient. how do you go wrong?
10. gummy bears/worms. but not fish. they just aren't as good. i can't explain it. it's in their dna. i prefer the worms to the bears, but then i'm just a lil' off.
9. tootsie pop. this is the only representative from the sucker category. it came down to the tootsie pop vs the blow pop. both have a solid sucker, but the fact that the gum in the blow pop lasts about 30 seconds then turns to mush, makes it a loser in this category.
8. twix. cookies? good! caramel? good! chocolate? good! now bring all three of your hands together. not good enough yet? you get 2 in a pack. i no longer need to make an argument for the twix.
7. Mr. Goodbar. (candy royalty) i was gonna put the classic hershey bar in the spot, but i left it off for reasons that are threefold. 1. Mr. Goodbar is a hershey bar, but with peanuts. that's how you improve on a good thing. 2. there is a car in greenville that is painted yellow and has Mr. Goodbar written down the side. awesome. greenville has a Mr. Goodbar car. and it's on 24 in. rims. 3. in hershey pennsylvania, the highway that runs outside the hershey park is not called the hershey highway. how do you pass up the opportunity for one of the best jokes all time. instead you went with chocolate ave. you suck pennsylvania.
6. sour patch kids. its the rich man's gummy. if you don't like a little sour in your candy, you prolly don't like this pick, but i think they are amazing. a higher quality gummy than the traditional gummy bear, then coated with sour goodness.
5. starburst. multiple flavors in one pack. all of them good. yes even the yellow. plus what better way to rate how well someone kisses without kissing them than to give them a starburst.
4. caramello. oh my. so good. a very good, spoil yourself kinda candy. this isn't a "i wanna snack" kinda candy. this is a, high end, gotta slowly eat it and enjoy kinda candy. few of those in the world.
3. skittles. because i always wanted to know what rainbows taste like. now i now. and them things is GOOD!!! maybe that's why i can never find the pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow. bc skittles has harvested the other end and turned it into sweet droplets of rainbow. oh well. i think it's a good trade.
2. reese's cup. a perfect combo of chocolate and peanut butter. but the real reasoning is again twofold. 1. if you are on the go and can't get chocolaty fingers, you can always get the reese's pieces. 2. this is the easiest reason of all. bc there's no wrong way, to eat a reese's.
1. snickers. chocolate. caramel. peanuts. nougat. patrick ewing as a spokesman. who woulda ever thought the missing link could be a pitchman. all so good. the best combo. even if i have no idea what nougat is or where it comes from. i think the aliens brought it when the dropped off the duck-billed platypus. lets be honest, i'm glad they dropped off both of them.
since i've been workin' out and eating better, i cut out sweets. this was hard bc i do have a sweet tooth. as some former and current co-workers can attest, downing a 1/2 dozen cookies in one sitting is no challenge at all. since i'm not eating sweets, i thought, "hey, what better time to compile my top 10 favorite candies." as with all my top 10's, this one goes to 11.
rules are, must be found in the gas station candy isle. and no specialty/local only style candy. i wanna be able to get it in greenville, omaha, truckee, anchorage, and everywhere in between. and no seasonal candy. sorry candy canes.
sooooooooo, here we go
11. regular m&m's. it's a staple. everybody loves it. unoffensive. convenient. how do you go wrong?
10. gummy bears/worms. but not fish. they just aren't as good. i can't explain it. it's in their dna. i prefer the worms to the bears, but then i'm just a lil' off.
9. tootsie pop. this is the only representative from the sucker category. it came down to the tootsie pop vs the blow pop. both have a solid sucker, but the fact that the gum in the blow pop lasts about 30 seconds then turns to mush, makes it a loser in this category.
8. twix. cookies? good! caramel? good! chocolate? good! now bring all three of your hands together. not good enough yet? you get 2 in a pack. i no longer need to make an argument for the twix.
7. Mr. Goodbar. (candy royalty) i was gonna put the classic hershey bar in the spot, but i left it off for reasons that are threefold. 1. Mr. Goodbar is a hershey bar, but with peanuts. that's how you improve on a good thing. 2. there is a car in greenville that is painted yellow and has Mr. Goodbar written down the side. awesome. greenville has a Mr. Goodbar car. and it's on 24 in. rims. 3. in hershey pennsylvania, the highway that runs outside the hershey park is not called the hershey highway. how do you pass up the opportunity for one of the best jokes all time. instead you went with chocolate ave. you suck pennsylvania.
6. sour patch kids. its the rich man's gummy. if you don't like a little sour in your candy, you prolly don't like this pick, but i think they are amazing. a higher quality gummy than the traditional gummy bear, then coated with sour goodness.
5. starburst. multiple flavors in one pack. all of them good. yes even the yellow. plus what better way to rate how well someone kisses without kissing them than to give them a starburst.
4. caramello. oh my. so good. a very good, spoil yourself kinda candy. this isn't a "i wanna snack" kinda candy. this is a, high end, gotta slowly eat it and enjoy kinda candy. few of those in the world.
3. skittles. because i always wanted to know what rainbows taste like. now i now. and them things is GOOD!!! maybe that's why i can never find the pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow. bc skittles has harvested the other end and turned it into sweet droplets of rainbow. oh well. i think it's a good trade.
2. reese's cup. a perfect combo of chocolate and peanut butter. but the real reasoning is again twofold. 1. if you are on the go and can't get chocolaty fingers, you can always get the reese's pieces. 2. this is the easiest reason of all. bc there's no wrong way, to eat a reese's.
1. snickers. chocolate. caramel. peanuts. nougat. patrick ewing as a spokesman. who woulda ever thought the missing link could be a pitchman. all so good. the best combo. even if i have no idea what nougat is or where it comes from. i think the aliens brought it when the dropped off the duck-billed platypus. lets be honest, i'm glad they dropped off both of them.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Kids These Days
so as i've said, my little brother refuses to read my blog. he sucks at life. since he refuses to read such amazing pieces literary history, i figure it's a great place to discuss what to get him for his b-day.
he'll hit the big 20 in a few days, and i'm unsure what to get the lil' fart. i'm that guy in the fam that gets the good gifts for everyone. i've gotta keep this reputation up.
it's really a matter of formula. 2 parts fun, 1 part functionality, 1 part cuteness for the ladies, 1 part masculine for the fellas, 1 part sentimentality and 96 parts affordability. using that formula, a new ferrari is outta the question. sorry tater head. (because he looked like Mr. Potato head as a baby.) also you can prolly rule out ownership stake in the braves, a private jet, new t.v., or much needed penis enlargement.
i guess i will go with ol' reliable. since the kid loves movies, (he's prolly seen as many as i have even though he's 6 years my junior) i will go hit up the used dvd store. nothing says happy b-day like a previously viewed version of short circuit, little big league, and corky romano. i know. i'm really to good to the kid. i mean, short circuit? i should prolly save that for a christmas gift. throw in short circuit 2 and you get the holiday gift set.
man i'm good!!!
he'll hit the big 20 in a few days, and i'm unsure what to get the lil' fart. i'm that guy in the fam that gets the good gifts for everyone. i've gotta keep this reputation up.
it's really a matter of formula. 2 parts fun, 1 part functionality, 1 part cuteness for the ladies, 1 part masculine for the fellas, 1 part sentimentality and 96 parts affordability. using that formula, a new ferrari is outta the question. sorry tater head. (because he looked like Mr. Potato head as a baby.) also you can prolly rule out ownership stake in the braves, a private jet, new t.v., or much needed penis enlargement.
i guess i will go with ol' reliable. since the kid loves movies, (he's prolly seen as many as i have even though he's 6 years my junior) i will go hit up the used dvd store. nothing says happy b-day like a previously viewed version of short circuit, little big league, and corky romano. i know. i'm really to good to the kid. i mean, short circuit? i should prolly save that for a christmas gift. throw in short circuit 2 and you get the holiday gift set.
man i'm good!!!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Homer Simpson Can Now Die Happy
its time we address an ongoing phenomenon. its not a bad thing at all. just something i didn't see coming.
a wise man named Mangler (bearded royalty) once said, "bacon makes everything better." i've tested that theory. its true. burger? better. steak? better. waffles? better. sex? better. sausage wrapped bacon with cheese in the middle? definitely better with bacon on top.
that being said, i've known for a while that bacon is awesome. but it seems to be invading other foods quick. i saw bacon flavored cheddar slices in the grocery store. i teared up a little. it was a great day.
then i found bacon salt. that's right. bacon salt. wanna know the crazy part. it's kosher. i don't have any clue how to get bacon flavor in something, and keep it kosher. i'll admit, tears rolled down my face. it was a great day.
then, it happened. i found proof that heaven is a place called earth. hold bacon in your left hand, and mayonnaise in your right (sorry if you have less than 2 hands. you can use feet if necessary. if you are also missing feet, sorry friend. just use your imagination.) now bring your hands together. that's right, Baconnaise (that's food royalty if there ever was one.) i wept openly. it was a glorious day. i'm still crying. and as my eyes glaze with tears of joy, i see a cardiologist eyes roll to $$. oh well. its so worth it. mmmmm...... my chest hurts.... someone.....get me an aspirin....wrapped in bacon. mmmmm.....death never tasted so awesome.
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