The Mustache. Not Just for March Anymore.

the month of november brings us turkey, football, and of course joy. for no-shave-november. this is where no shaving, shaping or trimming is allowed of ones facial hair. lots of fun. inevitably december comes and people are forced to shave. this is exhibit a of some one who missed a spot. for those who are wondering, this is the brother i often mock for not reading my blog. he's funny looking.

File This Under Humbug, Bah

according to my last post, it's november. that's a good thing right? thanksgiving is the next major holiday. then i turned the radio on. christmas music. really? what the crap is that doing on?!?!?!?! i haven't had turkey yet. people of the radio world, one holiday at a time please. i can't celebrate christmas for a month and a half. i love christmas as much as the next guy, but seriously, i can only take so much josh groban. plus there are only 14 different christmas songs. if i wanted to hear different versions of the same song i would listen to rap music!
then you have these people who decorate for christmas mid-november. if setting up for christmas 1.5 months prior is acceptable, then we have to allow for 1.5 months post christmas. that's 3 months of rudolf in the front yard. unacceptable people. we can't allow christmas to take up 25% of the year. we can't have this!
when should we start anticipating the celebration of the immaculate conception? glad you asked me. maybe we should look towards Jesus' momma. she had her turkey, dressing (not stuffing), and cranberry relish (not sauce,) then she went shopping for His happy b-day banner. on black friday. at wal-mart. (they had a deal on sandals that year. Jesus gets a pair for his b-day and all of a sudden it becomes the hit of the millennium. very glad he didn't get a furbie. coulda been an annoying 1000 years.)

Is He Cocky or What? I Think What.

arrogence and cockiness. most think they are one in the same. me being the perpetual humanatarian, i'm here to set the world straight. anyone who knows me know that i am rather arrogant. i'm ok with that. i believe that arrogant comes from the greek aros which was the greek god of confidence. so therefore, arrogance is nothing but confidence. i'm very confident. i'm ok with that. some might say, i'm overly confident, but it adds to my boyish charm.
cockiness on the other hand, comes from the klingon word cochery, which means to poke Lt. warf with a needle. who is lt. warf you ask? time you watch some star trek nest gen. he's the biggest bad ass ever on star trek. anywho...therefore cocky means to prick. or in shortened form, just a prick. so it is safe to say, an arrogent prick is cocky.
i really hope that this has cleared the air on this hot topic of debate. i considerate my public service for the month of september. what's that? it's november? crap. i really gotta change my calendar.

p.s. no animals were harmed for this post.
also no actual research was done for this post.

Growin' old with Me

Well folks, it's finally happened. I'm on the downslope of a quarter-century. I turned the big 2-6 yesterday. Turnin' 25 was hard. I realized that 1/4 of the way to 100, I hadn't done as much as great men in history. My only claim to fame, creating the Internet, penecillin, and mens capri's. Hey, 2 outta 3 ain't bad. Or so Meatloaf says.
I had a great birthday, and to all the folks who showed up at the b-day dinner I say thanks. I hope they enjoyed it as much as I did. A pitcher 'o pizza, and slice 'o beer is the best way to celebrate a b-day ever. 17 in all showed up to bask in my residual old man glory. Only 1 was younger than I was but nonetheless.
Getting old is nice though. I believe I should get my first social security check next week. And my AARP card showed up yesterday. So the perks of old age are already showing up. Who knows, with a little luck, I can get Viagra in a month. Yippee!!!!

It's Like This, Only Less

so, a few posts back, i mentioned something ab this twitter craze. i broke down. i now tweet. (still can't conjugate it though) i am meatjutt to the twitter world. i'm not one of those peeps who follows celebs so i know more ab their lives. i follow my friends so i know whats goin on in their lives. its like stalking, without being criminal. wait...i mean...ughhh...i mean its like facebook with out stupid cause invitations. if you sent me a cause invitation, i rejected it. stop sending me that crap. i don't care.
in a past life i was known as jutt, and this combines my two nicknames. also its a pun. get it? meet. meat. i'm to witty for my own good. anywho...i don't tweet ab what i'm doing every minute of every day, i use things for what were made for. like tweeting. hooray unoriginality!

Look at Me!I Can Blog in the Go!

i'm hoping this works properly. just set up for mobile blogging. if this doesn't work, then i don't know where this went. this is a picture of my joy!!

Toothless People, Unite!

so for the past month or so, i've been doing my best to drop a few lbs and get in better shape. this comes on the heels of a father's day sporting event where i played my brothers in football and i realized i was the fattest of the siblings. i also realized i was in the worst shape i have ever been in in my life. on a side note we did have a race and i did win. beat all my bro's. even the one who weighs 40 lbs less. and to all the peeps out there with brothers, isn't beating them in sporting events all that matters? anywho...
since i've been workin' out and eating better, i cut out sweets. this was hard bc i do have a sweet tooth. as some former and current co-workers can attest, downing a 1/2 dozen cookies in one sitting is no challenge at all. since i'm not eating sweets, i thought, "hey, what better time to compile my top 10 favorite candies." as with all my top 10's, this one goes to 11.
rules are, must be found in the gas station candy isle. and no specialty/local only style candy. i wanna be able to get it in greenville, omaha, truckee, anchorage, and everywhere in between. and no seasonal candy. sorry candy canes.
sooooooooo, here we go


11. regular m&m's. it's a staple. everybody loves it. unoffensive. convenient. how do you go wrong?


10. gummy bears/worms. but not fish. they just aren't as good. i can't explain it. it's in their dna. i prefer the worms to the bears, but then i'm just a lil' off.


9. tootsie pop. this is the only representative from the sucker category. it came down to the tootsie pop vs the blow pop. both have a solid sucker, but the fact that the gum in the blow pop lasts about 30 seconds then turns to mush, makes it a loser in this category.


8. twix. cookies? good! caramel? good! chocolate? good! now bring all three of your hands together. not good enough yet? you get 2 in a pack. i no longer need to make an argument for the twix.


7. Mr. Goodbar. (candy royalty) i was gonna put the classic hershey bar in the spot, but i left it off for reasons that are threefold. 1. Mr. Goodbar is a hershey bar, but with peanuts. that's how you improve on a good thing. 2. there is a car in greenville that is painted yellow and has Mr. Goodbar written down the side. awesome. greenville has a Mr. Goodbar car. and it's on 24 in. rims. 3. in hershey pennsylvania, the highway that runs outside the hershey park is not called the hershey highway. how do you pass up the opportunity for one of the best jokes all time. instead you went with chocolate ave. you suck pennsylvania.

6. sour patch kids. its the rich man's gummy. if you don't like a little sour in your candy, you prolly don't like this pick, but i think they are amazing. a higher quality gummy than the traditional gummy bear, then coated with sour goodness.

5. starburst. multiple flavors in one pack. all of them good. yes even the yellow. plus what better way to rate how well someone kisses without kissing them than to give them a starburst.

4. caramello. oh my. so good. a very good, spoil yourself kinda candy. this isn't a "i wanna snack" kinda candy. this is a, high end, gotta slowly eat it and enjoy kinda candy. few of those in the world.

3. skittles. because i always wanted to know what rainbows taste like. now i now. and them things is GOOD!!! maybe that's why i can never find the pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow. bc skittles has harvested the other end and turned it into sweet droplets of rainbow. oh well. i think it's a good trade.

2. reese's cup. a perfect combo of chocolate and peanut butter. but the real reasoning is again twofold. 1. if you are on the go and can't get chocolaty fingers, you can always get the reese's pieces. 2. this is the easiest reason of all. bc there's no wrong way, to eat a reese's.

1. snickers. chocolate. caramel. peanuts. nougat. patrick ewing as a spokesman. who woulda ever thought the missing link could be a pitchman. all so good. the best combo. even if i have no idea what nougat is or where it comes from. i think the aliens brought it when the dropped off the duck-billed platypus. lets be honest, i'm glad they dropped off both of them.

Kids These Days

so as i've said, my little brother refuses to read my blog. he sucks at life. since he refuses to read such amazing pieces literary history, i figure it's a great place to discuss what to get him for his b-day.
he'll hit the big 20 in a few days, and i'm unsure what to get the lil' fart. i'm that guy in the fam that gets the good gifts for everyone. i've gotta keep this reputation up.
it's really a matter of formula. 2 parts fun, 1 part functionality, 1 part cuteness for the ladies, 1 part masculine for the fellas, 1 part sentimentality and 96 parts affordability. using that formula, a new ferrari is outta the question. sorry tater head. (because he looked like Mr. Potato head as a baby.) also you can prolly rule out ownership stake in the braves, a private jet, new t.v., or much needed penis enlargement.
i guess i will go with ol' reliable. since the kid loves movies, (he's prolly seen as many as i have even though he's 6 years my junior) i will go hit up the used dvd store. nothing says happy b-day like a previously viewed version of short circuit, little big league, and corky romano. i know. i'm really to good to the kid. i mean, short circuit? i should prolly save that for a christmas gift. throw in short circuit 2 and you get the holiday gift set.
man i'm good!!!

Homer Simpson Can Now Die Happy

its time we address an ongoing phenomenon. its not a bad thing at all. just something i didn't see coming.

a wise man named Mangler (bearded royalty) once said, "bacon makes everything better." i've tested that theory. its true. burger? better. steak? better. waffles? better. sex? better. sausage wrapped bacon with cheese in the middle? definitely better with bacon on top.

that being said, i've known for a while that bacon is awesome. but it seems to be invading other foods quick. i saw bacon flavored cheddar slices in the grocery store. i teared up a little. it was a great day.

then i found bacon salt. that's right. bacon salt. wanna know the crazy part. it's kosher. i don't have any clue how to get bacon flavor in something, and keep it kosher. i'll admit, tears rolled down my face. it was a great day.

then, it happened. i found proof that heaven is a place called earth. hold bacon in your left hand, and mayonnaise in your right (sorry if you have less than 2 hands. you can use feet if necessary. if you are also missing feet, sorry friend. just use your imagination.) now bring your hands together. that's right, Baconnaise (that's food royalty if there ever was one.) i wept openly. it was a glorious day. i'm still crying. and as my eyes glaze with tears of joy, i see a cardiologist eyes roll to $$. oh well. its so worth it. mmmmm...... my chest hurts.... someone.....get me an aspirin....wrapped in bacon. mmmmm.....death never tasted so awesome.

Random Cuts of Meat

haven't checked in with the meat-maniacs lately, and given the string off big deaths lately, i figured i would let you know what i thought about them, and some other random stuff.

anybody else think the sham-wow guy teamed up with ronco and knocked off billy mays?

mark sanford was the hottest thing on the news, then michael jackson died. did the gop take out the king of pop to get there man outta the news?

speaking of sanford, why is everybody amazed that a political leader had an affair. i'm amazed it was 6 months between gubernatorial scandals. and hey, at least it was with a woman. thanks new jersey for makin' sc look better.

magnets are the 2nd coolest toy ever. big wheel is #1.

would it be racial profiling if you accused a white man in a white panel van of being an electrician?

i can't take credit for this being an original question but, if you had sex with a prostitute and didn't pay, would that be rape or shoplifting?

if you had a shower head made of gold, would that mean you took a golden shower?

Rockin' Robin. Tweet. Tweet.

what's with this twitter stuff? i believe the kids are callin' it "micro-bloggin'." i'm not sure if i should love it or hate it. i like that it allows you to blog daily, nightly and ever so rightly, but they are just snippets. they can be fun, but i don't need to know that you are giving you kid a bath. same goes for facebook status. that being said, i will eventually join the twitter craze and begin to tweet myself. i just need to learn how to conjugate twitter. (to tweet. twittered. twittering. tweeted. chirping? who knows) i figure it will allow me to go from thousands of followers on blogspot, to millions between twitter and blogspot. the next step after that, my own cable television show. but first i need a good twitter name.

heads will roll? sounds goth chick rocker like.
i fart in your general direction? to british humor
meats tweets? sounds dirty.
lengen-wait for it-dary tweeting? to barney stinson
headin' for good times with meat? a little long
abbey normal? i may have to check 'n see if that's available
meathead says? maybe...
meat's peeps? could be....

Arnold Style

went the entire weekend commando. it was a great weekend. the freedom. the ease of getting dressed, and undressed for that matter. it makes me wonder why more people don't do it. if you have never done it, i recommend you try it.
just in case you don't know, if you "go commando" it means you don't wear underwear. so nice. no adjusting the boxers. pulling the boxer-brief down, or pulling the Tighty Whitey outta the pooper. it just makes life easier.

10 Reasons to Like Canada. Because Most of us Need a Reason

with the stanley cup finals goin' on right now, that's hockey in case you were wondering, i decided i would compile a list of good things we get from canada.

11. poutin. aka gravy fries with topped with cheese curds. something so bad for you, must be good.

10. dan ackroyd. snl. blues brothers. coneheads. ghostbusters. bc of all that i will forgive him for teaming up with satan when he did "dish is a disease" campaign for charter.

9. alex trebek. mr. mustache is awesome. he has entertained us for years, and since he apparently doesn't age, he will be entertaining our great-great grandchildren also.

8. robin scherbatsky. shes a character from the show how i met your mother. its a fantastic show that has doogie howser on it. she constantly makes references to canadian life therefore teaching me what the great white north is truly like.

7. maine, vermont, new hampshire, minnesota, and the northern part of michigan. the only good things i can think of from these states is, the syrup and cheese we get from vermont. the twins from minnesota who provided us with one of the best world series all time in '91 when they beat the braves. new hampshire gave me my good friend sick nick goddard. maine gives us lobster. and i think we should give back the little northern finger part of michigan back we have no real use for it.

6. speaking of syrup. pure maple syrup is amazing. what better place to get maple syrup than a country with a maple leaf for a flag.

5. bigfoot. this one is tricky. his mother is from wisconsin, but his dad is from alberta. while they were visiting daddy bigfoot's parents baby bigfoot was born. but since his birth certificate says canadia on it, he is canadian.

4. the kids in the hall. best sketch comedy ever. old school snl is great, mad tv has its moments and in living color was awesome. just too many wayans'. kids in the hall dominates. i'm squishing your head!!

3. john candy. wow. i think his (large) body..... of work speaks for itself. a true comedic genius. he is missed every day someone sees one of his movies. especially when he teams up with another canadian hero dan ackroyd in the great outdoors.

2. bryan adams. guilty pleasure but without him, you think robin hood and maid marian would have gotten together in robin hood prince of thieves? plus summer of '69 is a great way to start a party. don't hate. you know you like it.

1. snow. litle known fact, its manufactured in northern calgary. shipping costs really keep us from getting it down here in the south, but its fun when it shows up. snowboarders thank you.

for all these reasons, i say, thanks canucks. you're not that bad after all. just keep these things comin' and take celine dion back and we'll call it even.

I Stepped on a Crack, and My Mother Broke Her Back.

wanna know the best way to spend memorial day weekend? if you guessed in the hospital, you are correct. saturday before memorial day, my mother was on her regularly scheduled horse ride through the woods when unbeknownst to her my foot was dangerously close to a crack in mangler's driveway. suddenly a stiff breeze blew me off balance and my foot landed on a crack. at that same moment in time, 30 miles away, a horse bucked my momma off. it wasn't the buckin' off that hurt. it wasn't the fallin' that hurt. it was the log that hit her lumbar region (lower back) of the spine that caused pain. she broke her l2 vertebrae in half. the top half slid and was 1 cm from touching her spinal cord. 

when she got thrown the horse wandered back to the barn, and the peeps at the barn realized something wasn't right. turns out momma's kinda tough. she got up and started walkin' back to the barn. she decided she needed to go to the hospital. she tried to drive herself. when she got to the hospital, she decided to walk in. the woman has 20+ yrs of hospital/health care experience. she knows what to do when you suffer a back injury. she knows what could be wrong. she knows that if you say, "i fell off a horse and i am having back pains." they will bring you a wheelchair.

 she is gonna be fine as long as she does what the doctor says and takes it easy. she needs to stay off her horses. (wanna buy a horse 2-for-1 deal) turns out, she's a tough little cookie. i think she missed her calling as an ultimate fighter.

This Way to a Great Dinner. Not That Way Meat You Moron!

friday in san francicso, we went on a bay cruise. we hopped on a big boat and went around the san fran bay, and even went under the golden gate bridge. that's right folks, i have now been in the pacific ocean. the ocean is now a little cooler. not temperature wise of course, socially. on our way back to port, we went around alcatraz. it was nice seeing it from a different angle. but i felt like i already knew everything there was to know about the rock. i mean, ive seen a few movies and did a tour. lock me in there and i'll be eating rice-a-roni on the beach in just a few hours. can't no prison hold me!!!!

that evening mrs. meat and i went on our official anniversary dinner. we went to the swank italian joint called e tuttu qua. i'm sure there are supposed to be accents on some of those letters, but i don't feel like doing that. put 'em wherever you'd like. we ordered a bottle of wine (reisling of course. it's the lay-tay's favorite), some seared sea scallops in a mushroom sauce and it was excellect. for the main course, mi amor  ordered linguine with shrimp in a light red sauce. (light as in weight, not color.) i being the meat minded meathead that i am went with the lamb loin stuffed with pesto.  oh my. if i could eat that every day, i would never cook. so good. mmmmmmm. sorry. just drooled on my computer. we were enjoying everything so much, we ordered another bottle of wine. the good thing about the city is, no worries on who's drivin' home. we within a half-mile. so we finished out dinner and just sat watching the hustle and bustle of an amazing italian restaurant, on a busy friday night while we sipped our wine. if when we left i hadn't taken us a half-mile in the wrong direction, it would have been a perfect evening. but since that was the only bad thing, i'd say it went well.

Kinda Major League?

on thursday we went to oakland to see the a's play. the a's have the second fewest wins in the majors. i felt like we were in the movie Major League. i mentioned it in the last blog, but the guys in front of us made fun of the a's the whole time. one guy even had a drum. it was a ton-o-fun. it was good to see regular guys watchin' baseball. they went to all the games they could. knew each other by name. greeted each other by yelling the name and talkin' trash for a minute, then talk about the a's, and how bad they are. that was the best part of the game. sittin' in the cheap seats with the common folk.

no $2500 seats like in yankee stadium. those aren't true fans. those aristocrats tryin' to be seen. they should turn the seating chart upside down. make the seats behind home $13, and the nosebleeds $2500. that way the person who really appreciates the game, gets the best view.

and while we are changing prices, lets work on concessions. if the food had been 1/2 the price, i woulda bought twice as much. but getting a bag of peanuts, a hot dog, and a beer for $22 means i can't afford another hot dog. $8.25 for a beer is highway robbery. that's why i don't go to pro games. just wait for $1 beer night at the local minor league stadium.
that night i went to uncle vito's pizza and Mrs. Meat picked up some indian food. we went and picked up a 6-pack, and some malibu, and had a slow evening in the hotel. it was nice just hangin' out.

7,000 Feet to Sea Level in a Day

tuesday and wednesday had a lot of drivim'. we went up to truckee, and by up, i mean up. the city of truckee sits over a mile high. eat your heart out denver. on the way up though, we were above 7000 ft for a while. highest i've ever been other than while on a plane, and that jimmy buffet concert back in the day. (kidding. kinda.) we went from rolling hills with grass and no trees, to rocks and trees, a foot and a half of snow on the ground, and no grass. it was crazy.
on our drive back, we went past lake tahoe. a lake that's 22 miles long, and over 1,600 feet deep. its amazingly blue. the mountain lake's, water is so clear they say you can see over 30 feet deep. we were just drivin' by, so i didn't have time to measure.
we stopped in placerville on out way back to frisco. ate at a place called z-pies. they specialize in pot pies. it was awesome! then i got coffee i at place that is built in front of an old gold mine. when you go to the back, you can eat inside the mine. sounds cooler than it really was. but fun nonetheless.
when we got back to the bay area, we went to the museum of modern art. i don't get modern art. 99% looked like crap to me. one piece looked like pee. it was a urinal. there was actually a urinal as a piece of art. as long as there is a urinal in museum as a piece of art, i won't get it. some of the videos made me feel like i was in a bad trip. it was to much for my tastes. but then i'm not an art snob.
that night, we ate at the cathay house in chinatown. that's what true chinese food is. it was the perfect way to end wednesday. it was so good, i feel like i can't eat chinese here now. its not nearly as good. the waiter was awesome and i never felt better leaving a tip. the only exception was when my lil' bro was my waiter. i can say nice things about him because he refuses to read my blog. but i won't. he's a loser.

We Posed for a Picture and the Photographer Got This Stupid Bridge in the Background

i'm sorry for not following through with my promise of daily blog updating. i assure you it wasn't from a lack of love. it was from a lack of properly working wifi. stupid technology. once we left wine country, we rode up to truckee, ca to see a client of Mrs. Meat's. (she gets caps because she is lovin' royalty.) we were on the road a lot tuesday and didn't get to his place until late. i just never had time to even check in with you kind folks. i'm sorry for that. once we left there we stayed at the hotel triton in downtown san fran. an amazing hotel. if you are ever there, or have the opportunity to stay at a kimpton hotel (parent company,) i would highly recommend it. that being said, my computer wouldn't recognize the wifi there, and i was left unable to blog. i cried the entire day wednesday until Mrs. Meat told me to grow a pair. plus thursday we were goin' to a baseball game in oakland i didn't wanna be cryin' during such a manly event.

for my broken promise, i extend a not so sincere apology and only kinda care if you accept it. should you choose not to accept, i suggest reading my next post. i won't let y'all down again. (soon)

Big Trees, and Wine. What a Combo.

today we left san fran and went north. we crossed the golden gate bridge. it was so foggy we couldn't even see the water below us. but it was cool because i was drivin' in a new mustang. thanks to credit card rewards and avis, i was pimpin'. it wasn't easy. it was fun though. we proceeded to muir woods which is where the redwoods grow. they were big. i read that the tallest redwood is 379.1 ft tall. why do you need the .1? is 379 ft not tall enough? .1 ft is less than an inch. don't think we need to acknowledge that distance when talkin' about something that big. if we were talkin' about my height, ad a .1. i would appreciate that. what if it rains hard and washes away an inch of dirt? would we call it 379.2 ft? i'm just sayin'. kinda ridiculous. so.... i knew they were tall, but i didn't fully understand how big 379 ft was. now i know. it's big.
after some big trees, we drove up to sonoma. i know what you're thinkin'. sears point is right there. you know? sears point? one of two road courses on the nascar circuit? if you don't know what i'm talkin' about, then you are not a redneck. congratulations. that was a test and you passed. after passing the raceway, we went wine tasting. it was something different for me since i really only drink beer or bourbon. it was good though. i even bought a bottle for myself. it was a bottle by jacuzzi (the same family who made the original hot tub) and it is called barbera.
we had good experiences in all the wineries we hit up today, but by far the best was at imagery. we went for the art. all the bottles of wine have an original piece of art on the label, and most of the art is on display at the winery. but we met sil there. he was our bartender, and he was very personable, knowledgeable and most importantly polite. he told me more than i could understand about the wines. mrs. meat and i told him our likes and dislikes and he just kept bringin' us wines he thought we would like. he did well. since it was for our anniversary, he waved the tasting fee and let me try a $75 a bottle wine. it was great. i felt like i owed him a car wash after i drank it but, he said we were good. we are now about to head out to dinner in wine country so i will let you workin' losers get to back to your jobs, but check back later for more from wine country.

Sea Lions, and Tiger Sharks and No Rice O' Roni? O My!

busy day kids. busy day. been ridin' around on cable cars all day, walkin' all over fisherman's' wharf, checkin' the aquarium. touched some sharks and rays. that was cool. (not the hockey and baseball players. the real things.) watched some sea lions today. they reminded me of my mothers yellow lab that weighs 140 lbs. except they move a lot better than she does. on land and in the sea.
we also went to alcatraz today. that was really cool. felt like i was steppin' back in history visitin that place. learned some cool facts about the rock. i just can't remember them at this moment in time. what i do remember though is that it sho was windy out there. and it smelled like bird poo. maybe i'll remember the other stuff soon.
the best part of the day though, hands down, was this little strip of "restaurants" along pier 41. i use quotes because it was more like one of those hot dog vendors you see on the streets. buy the food. then stand and eat. there were like 5 shops in a row, and they all sold the same thing. steamed/fried/boiled seafood (everything from clams to lobster) all fresh caught and alive up until a few minutes before you show up and clam chowder. the chowder comes in a cup or a sourdough bread bowl. why you would get a cup when you are in the birthplace of sourdough, i don't know. but it's offered. we got shrimp 'n chips (fried shrimp and fries to the layper,) bread bowl clam chowder, a water and a budweiser. all for $20. the same thing woulda been double that in one o' them tourist restaurants, and this was a thousand times better. this was amazing!!! i felt like Anthony Bourdain (this gets capitalized because he is travel channel royalty) when he finds the back alley places in the big cities.
the one troubling observation on this fact finding expedition is that i've yet to see any place advertising rice o' roni. if it's the san francisco treat, why is nobody promoting it? guess i'll keep searching for the elusive rice o' roni.

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted.

well folks, mrs. meat and i have made it to frisco. my sincerest apologies for not letting you all know we made it last nite, but we didn't get into the room until 11:45 local time. that's 2:45 for most of you. except for my followers in bangladesh. to you i would say, why are you following this blog? anywho.
we had a lovely flight from charlotte to minneapolis. about 3 hrs. all was goin well, then from minneapolis to san fran we had to wait an hr in the plane on the runway due to high winds in san fran. that sucked. put us behind, but once we landed and got our luggage we were on the subway riding into town. the subway dumped us about a $10 cab ride from the hotel, and all was well.
today we are goin to alcatraz. i hope this isn't "the man's" way of lockin me up. cause they'll never take me alive!!!! then prolly do some other indoor stuff. stupid rain.
have fun with your normal lives peons. i'm on vacation.

Blogging on the Go!

i was recently disappointed when i tried to blog from one of those newfangled "iphones" that these kids are runnin' around with these days and i couldn't!!! this is an outrage!! how can it be called a smart phone if it can't do a simple task like allow me to communicate with the masses. i will write a letter to the creator of these terrible toys and tell him of this travesty!! he must know so that he can fix it for future generations. our children shouldn't suffer for steve's shortcomings.

Sittin' in the Mornin' Sun

goin' on a road trip soon. well, not exactly a "road" trip. i'll be headed for the frisco bay this may (insert gay joke here) and since this lonliness won't leace me alone mrs. meat will be joining be joining me. we will be watching the ships roll in and watch 'em roll away again celebrating 2 wonderful years of marriage on may 5th of this year. we got hitched on cinco de mayo to celebrate my mexican heritage. did you know my middle name is chorizo? Meat Chorizo Head. got a nice ring to it huh?

back to why we are here.

3000 miles we'll roam just to make the bay our home for 5 days, and we'll be spending 2 days in wine country and the surrounding areas. we will also spend about a half day in oakland so i can go check out the a's play some day baseball. the giants are outta town all week. jerks. but it should be a wonderful time away from home, work, school, and all that boring stuff. but, the good thing for ya'll is, i will be able to post daily about my adventures since i won't have to work like you peons. fa fa fa fa fa!!

Meat Tourney

i'm just jeaolous i didn't think to do this first.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=lukas/090323

what if the winners got together and had a child you ask? well, the answer is simple. the child would be king of the world.

March Happiness

it's tourney time.
i'm excited.
that's all that needs to be said.

Meatshank Redemption

i feel the need to let my fabulous faithful followers out there know a little bit more about me.

i love cooking, my wife, s.l.a.m. (saturday lunch at manglers), music, long walks on the beach, bourbon, the cabaret, and things of that such. i may have said to much. but most important for you to know is that, i, without remorse, love the movie shawshank redemption. there. i've said it. i feel so much better. i stand by it. i love it. any naysayers, bring it. there is a reason it is the movie most searched for on imdb.com (a great site if you've never been) it has everything you need in a movie. 

-love. even if its boggs, the leader of the "bull queers" as red calls them, and his love for andy. its still love. kinda.

-action. there are a few fight scenes, just as there should in a prison movie. actually, they may be more like beat down scenes, since its not a lot of 1-on-1 fighting. (ain't prison rape a bitch?)

-hope. which is the central theme. of the movie and life in general.

-hank williams. need i say more? no. i needn't. but i did. guess i ruined that point.

-sadness. when brooks died, it was the first time i ever cried in a movie. i'm kidding. real men don't cry in movies. but if i weren't a real man, i would have.

-pin-ups. rita hayworth. wow. i'm bias though, i have a thing for red heads. (a nod to you mrs. meat!)

-the phrase "pinch a loaf." the first time i heard it, it was my phrase of the day for like a week. it was a very good week.

-morgan freeman. he's great in everything. even the really bad robin hood that had kevin costner. i never knew robin hood had the same accent as a corn farmer from iowa.

-suspense. the morning that andy doesn't come out of his cell, my heart sank. and then i grinned. i shall tell you no more in case you haven't seen it on one of the 5 billion times its been on tbs, or tnt. thanks mr. turner.

-redemption. i wonder where they got the name for the movie?

i could go on for days about the wonderful qualities of the greatest movie to never get nominated for the best picture oscar, but you could watch it quicker than i could get my thoughts on the proverbial paper. so go get some popcorn, and don't drop the soap. you won't be sorry. especially about dropping the soap. that would be bad. you'll thank me in the morning.

Mangler's is Shorter Than Mine

jason a.k.a. mangler submited his top ten list on sat and i am just now getting around to posting. in no particular order:

Prince - musicology
ozma - spending time on the border line
weezer - Pinkerton
radiohead - hail to the thief
the beatles - abbey road
counting crows - august and everything after
brand new - God and the devil are raging inside me
of montreal - skeletal lamping
pedro the lion - control
superdrag - in the valley of dying stars

Mine Goes All the Way to 11!!

i promised my faithful following a list of my top 10 favorite albums of all time a little over a week ago, but i ran into a snag. i have 11 songs that i like equally. and since it's my blog, i can break the rules. the following are my top eleven favorite albums of all time in no particular order:

jack johnson - brushfire fairytales

the killers - sam's town

sublime - sublime

brand new - deja entendu

weezer - weezer (the blue album)

the strokes - room on fire

collective soul - hints, allegations, and things left unsaid

tom waits - nighthawks at the diner

gnarls barkley - st. elsewhere

cake - fashion nugget

muse - black holes & revelations

enjoy.

Show Some Love, In an Elevator

why? great googly moogly why? why is it that when people get on an elevator all conversations cease? its o.k. to keep conversating if you and a friend get on an elevator and there is a person on it you don't know. i was on an elevator the other day and four ladies got on. when the doors opened i could hear the head lady (not the leader, the lady with a huge head) chatting ab the cookout she was at last weekend. she made a quip and the other three ladies started giggling, but as they crossed the threshold of the elevator the laughter stopped. and we rode up four floors in total silence. when they reached the floor of destiny, they all stepped off and as their legs stepped onto non-moving floor, the conversation picked up right where they left off. the potato salad. its kinda rude to treat me like a commie spy. i know its a confined area, but you can say, "hey. hows it goin?" or even just keep the conversation going.

just do it people. be polite on an elevator. together we can change this crappy social rule. farting is still banned though.

And the Oscar Goes to...

i would like to begin this post by giving a belated congratulations and thanks to the winners of the 81st oscars. congrats for the "W" and thanks for letting me know you are out there. i recently added you to my netflix. 

the awards and the talk about "who's best" got me thinkin about an old post i had when i mentioned how good the strokes album "room on fire" was, and then mentioned that a list of my top 5 albums was to come soon. mangler, joey, stew and i are now officially making a top 10 favorite albums of all time. only rule is it can't be a greatest hits album. list should be in by next saturday. remember, its your personal favorite 10 of all time. its o.k. to put a hanson album on there paul. if you like 'em, do it. i will let my thousands of adoring fans know what we come up with.

excuse me, got some jammin' to do.

The Rise of the Penguin!!!

i'm mark the penguin. you know, the hot fowl in the picture? meat knows sex sells so he put my face out front. since he went to work i took over for a quick morning post. when the owners head out they think i just stand here on the counter and watch the coffee pot. i'm actually online buying stocks. if the puking baby can do it why can't a bird? i'm also screwing with his blog. giving you guys the inside scoop. he thinks he's so cool for having a blog. he's just another moron who thinks he has some writing ability. he's wrong. i'm the real genius behind all this. his "meet meat" post, that was my title idea. he doesn't wash his hands when he goes to the bathroom, i had to add that part because he's an unsanitary fool. i'm the one who put those pictures on there the other day. i wanted the world to see how funny lookin that guy is. you think he knows that hair style has never been in style? that's just what mothers do to kids with fat heads. you shoulda seen him last night. the red head that lives here was gone last night and he was in the kitchen with dancing and singin how he will survive at the top of his lungs. and just so you know, he promotes the stereotype of white men and rhythm. i'm pretty sure that steve martin's character from "the jerk" would dominate him in a dance off.

well it's been fun guys. i'll bring the dirt again soon but for now i gotta go pee on the floor in front of the litter box and get the cat in trouble.

Pythagoras, My Hero

i have an english test tomorrow. i don't like english. i'm a math guy. x=6. thats an answer in math. no debate. finite. i like my english teacher. she's young and fun and rather a.d.d. thats fun. there are to many possible answers in english. "what do you think the author meant by that?" i think the author meant what he said. thats why he said it that way. if he meant something else by it, why didn't he just say that? we don't need to put words in dead guys' mouths. thats just icky.

maybe i can make this into a math problem.

english 102 = the vin diesel classic, the fast and the furious.

they both suck, but i'm entertained during both.

math saves the day again.

Zip it While You're Unzipped

this is a post for men. sorry ladies. i will post for you in the coming months.
to many men are breaking the man law of the public bathroom (Article 3.21-B in your man law manual.) this concerns me because if men will break one of the most basic of the man laws, then what next? men buying lap dogs, naming them tootsie and putting a bow and an embroidered sweater on it? we all know that brings a penalty of revoking of the man card on the spot when another man calls you on it.
the following is a list of rules all men need to know and follow when in a public restroom:

1. if you are standing at a urinal, and there is another man in the urinal next to you, EYES FORWARD. no arguments. no discussion. that's the rule. follow it! if you own a restaurant, as a follower of this law i would like to request putting newspapers up in front of the urinals. this encourages eyes forward.

2. if there is no divider between urinals and you are on an end unit, aim towards the wall. if you are in the center, get as close as possible to the urinal. we all have periphery, and no one wants to catch an accidental glimpse.

3. no talking. i don't wanna stirring conversation while i'm peeing. talk to me at the sink while i'm washing my hands. and guys, wash your hands. for goodness sake. just do it.

3.A) conversations are allowed if you see a close friend. close friend will be defined as someone you would walk up to a kick in the booty while they were standing at the urinal and both parties would find that funny. if one of the parties would not find that funny, no talking until the sink.

3.B) conversations are allowed if the person is not a close friend, but an acquaintance and you were talking with the person when you entered the restroom. this is the continuance clause.

3.C) this is not a conversation, but an "i'm sorry, dude . let me buy you a beer" is not only allowed, but for your safety highly recommended in the event that your aim fails you and you pee on your neighbors shoe.

4. if man 1 is at urinal, man 2 must skip a space. proper etiquette says that if you have your choice of any urinal you go for the outside first. allowing more space for proper skipage. if there 2 urinals and a stall, and one urinal is taken, man 2 must take the stall. if there are 2 adult urinals, and 1 kids urinal, man 2 may have to use the kids if that's proper skipage. if there are multiple stalls, proper skipage must be used there also.

5. sword fighting is never allowed. ever!

6. always leave the seat up. if you are married i know this goes against everything you've been taught, but that way if a dude has to drop a deuce he is the only one who has to touch the toilet seat. remember that this rule is only in a men's public restroom. i don't want any of you guys blaming me when you get in trouble at home for leaving the seat up.

7. if you have to drop a deuce, courtesy flush. often. need i say more?

8. farting is ok. its the men's room. let 'em fly boys!! feel free to complement them.

i think that bringing these rules back to the limelight, the world we be a better place. at least the men's room will be. speaking of which, excuse me...

coogin'widfriens

welcome to the nfl playoff version of meatheads good times! (forever to be referred to in this blog as mgt.) and what playoff game would be complete without food? a bad one. that's what.
so i prolly won't talk about football. more food.
but for you die hard football fans, john mcclane says, get it...die hard,john mcclane?...anywho, john mcclane says look for steelers/eagles in the super bowl. steelers are built for cold weather, which doesn't help much in tampa. look for the eagles in the super bowl by a touchdown. yippee ki-yay.
now that i've been distracted with bad jokes and pig skin, we go on to the food. tomorrow i will prepare gumbo. it will be a 3 hour or so affair that will end in full bellies and dreams of well, dreams. maybe we should listen to some roy orbison while we cook. roy orbison, you know "in dreams," "dream baby?" great music. you should check it out. distracted again. it is the first installment in 2009 of saturday lunch at manglers. or s.l.a.m. as we call it. (just made that up) just a reason to cook and hang with friends. and maybe drink a frosty cold adult beverage. its a great way to start your saturday.
we decided to go with the Alton Brown (food royalty) recipe for gumbo! we get to make a roux, shrimp stock which involves boiling shrimp heads and tails and also grill some andouille sausage. gots to love the pork. throw in some cayenne pepper, onions, peppers, celery, okra and bay leaves because all good meals involve bay leaves and that's some mgt good eats. plus we get to speak cajun, which is easier than you think. put no emphasis on any hard consonant, blend all words into one long one, then put a drunk french redneck sound to it and you may as well have been raised way down in louisiana close to new orleans, back up in the woods among the evergreens.
its just how the production and management staff here at mgt get down on the weekend. i would like to invite all loyal fans to join us one saturday. you won't regret it. unless i have a mental lapse and let stephen cook. punch me if i do that.
seriously. punch me. just not in the face. i'm kinda pretty.