Crack Heads are Fun!

so, for those of you not in the know, i'm gonna let you in on something. i'm still in school. i know, i know, you thought i had to be at least 65 because of the amount of wisdom (albeit infrequently; sorry about that) i drop on you. i'm going for nursing, but i'm gonna become a paramedic in the process. that, in and of itself is a long story that i'm not gonna bore you with. anywho...i told you that to tell you this fun story.
i did my first ride-a-long friday and it was a barrel of fun. barrel of monkeys sized fun even. we went out on our last call of the day around 6 pm and were called to a liquor store where a man had fallen behind the store. (must be a drunk, right?) when we arrive, we find a 50 yr old white male about 5'6" 120lbs with a big cut to his forearm, sans shirt but pro mullet. and of course, since we are in the south, a bud racing cap on. when we get outta the truck, the first thing he says is, "i'm not goin' to the hospital. i ain't goin'." he had a distant look in his eye and a slur in his speech, so we asked how much he had had to drink today. he said, "i don't drink. i smoke crack cocaine." the cops around smiled and laughed. after ascertaining from the fella that the current year is 1946, then '75, then '95, we informed him that he was not of sound mind to make his own decisions and that his arm needed medical attention. now we have to get an angry crack head on a stretcher. 2 cops, 2 paramedics and lil 'ol me. that was some fun rastlin'. and there was blood flyin' which added to the fun. not mine of course.
once we got him tied to the stretcher, we drove to the hospital. during the rastlin' and the transport he told us that we were nice folks doin' a great job and that he really appreciated it. either that or it was the total opposite. also with him spitting all over the back of the ambulance and telling us what he really thought about our mommas, with f-bombs, and letting us know that we were all "n_____ lovers." the people who had called 911 and were standing next to him when we got there were all black.
once we got him to the e.r., he continued with this type of behavior. while there he decided that a short, sweet, southern bell of a nurse was gonna be his focus while at the hospital. he cussed at her more than anyone else combined. she finally just stopped, looked at him, and said, "honey, if you don't start bein' nice, i'm gonna shove a big 'ol tube, down your lil bitty winkie."
and that's what i'm gonna remember about my first ride-a-long. lil bitty winkie.