i feel as though i may have missed my calling. the other day, i stopped by my buddy mangler's house and he said that he needed a hair cut. i told him that i would be happy to. with some obvious reluctance, and the fall back plan of him being willing to shave his head if i screwed up majorly, he let me cut his hair. and cut i did. trimming, tapering, and blending like no other. when i was done, his hair looked eexactly as it did before he sat in my magical chair. just ab 1/2 in. shorter. i was a little worried while i was cutting, but once you get a beer or two in you, you relax a little, and let the scissors work their magic.
meatheads barber shop: where beers don't drink themselves!
coming to a neighborhood near you.

HE'S BACK!!!

so it looks like i never got around to telling you guys about my vacations as i promised one post ago. that was a very long time ago it seems. that's my bad. i'm not gonna make some lame excuse about being to busy with school, work, and life in general, but i'm not gonna talk down to my fans like that. y'all are to smart. you know it's laziness that drives me.
so now i will try and sum up a 10 day trip in less than 1000 words.
-tiring
there. i think i did it. it was a great trip but it just wore me out. with the 6 hr time difference,and walking everywhere it was tiring. but i would like you kids to know, it was awesome!!! i really enjoyed seeing the different culture. like what people thought was ok, like drinkin at lunch no matter what day of the week it was. i really enjoyed that because that's something i adhere to in the states. but it's sometimes frowned upon. stupid bible belt. i would like y'all to know that beer was cheaper than water over there. it was 3 euros for a bottle of water and 2 euros for a pint of heineken, peroni, or estella damm. if that were the case here, i would be a little overweight.
wait...what was i talking about? oh yea, culture. did you know most europeans speak english? kinda strange since most english folks don't speak european don't ya think? but that made my travel a lot easier. plus i'm psuedo fluent in really bad spanish so i had that going for me. i knew that would help in spain and i thought i could piece things together in italy since both are romance languages, but no. just no. i had no clue what was going on and being said in italy. which made it that much harder to get around. which makes me...
give european folks also a big fat F for street signs. we had maps, but it does no good to have a map if you don't know where you are on it. i asked Mrs. Meat why we couldn't have bought one of those maps that knows where you are. you know, like the one at the mall that says you are here. she never answered me. i bet those need batteries. that must be why we didn't get one. european batteries are prolly shaped differently like the outlets.
and that's european culture in as few words as an ignorant windbag can put it. don't you feel like you've been there? if you do, you're a moron.

I Bet They Don't Celebrate Cinco de Mayo in Spain

it's that time of year kids. end of the spring semester, nba/nhl playoffs, pollen turning my black car yellow, and the Meat's anniversary time. yessiree. it's been a year since the west coast trip where i fell in love with wine, cruised the golden gate bridge, and rode trolleys. time flies when you're having fun. or at least when you forget so much that you can only remember 1 outta every 3 things that happens to you. why am i typing right now?...oh yea, blogging.
so this year on cinco de mayo, Mrs. Meat and i will celebrate 3 years of marital bliss. i can thank her for the bliss because lets face it, i'm a goofy looking moron, and she takes pity on me. thanks dear. this year she's taking me on a mediteranean cruise!
we sail (figuratively of course) outta barcelona, with stops in monte carlo, livorno, cit!^9+$ccia (i think that's how it's spelled), naples, the island of palma de mallorica, and back to barcelona. we will spend a couple extra days in barcelona on the front end of the trip so we will spend a total of 9 days in europe. i've never been and hope they appreciate my special brand of humor. if not i guess worst case is, they hate it, and just ship me back. right? or is worst case a firing squad? maybe i should look this up.
i'm not sure how much i will be able to let my adoring fans know how things are going while over there, i don't know if europeans (hehehehe. i just said you're a peein'. oh me. i slay me.) have the interweb yet. but i will be using a slightly outdated form of communication called jounaling, and when i return i will post my findings of the area of the world from which we get the middle ages. i wonder if they are outta that era yet? guess i'll find out soon.

Crack Heads are Fun!

so, for those of you not in the know, i'm gonna let you in on something. i'm still in school. i know, i know, you thought i had to be at least 65 because of the amount of wisdom (albeit infrequently; sorry about that) i drop on you. i'm going for nursing, but i'm gonna become a paramedic in the process. that, in and of itself is a long story that i'm not gonna bore you with. anywho...i told you that to tell you this fun story.
i did my first ride-a-long friday and it was a barrel of fun. barrel of monkeys sized fun even. we went out on our last call of the day around 6 pm and were called to a liquor store where a man had fallen behind the store. (must be a drunk, right?) when we arrive, we find a 50 yr old white male about 5'6" 120lbs with a big cut to his forearm, sans shirt but pro mullet. and of course, since we are in the south, a bud racing cap on. when we get outta the truck, the first thing he says is, "i'm not goin' to the hospital. i ain't goin'." he had a distant look in his eye and a slur in his speech, so we asked how much he had had to drink today. he said, "i don't drink. i smoke crack cocaine." the cops around smiled and laughed. after ascertaining from the fella that the current year is 1946, then '75, then '95, we informed him that he was not of sound mind to make his own decisions and that his arm needed medical attention. now we have to get an angry crack head on a stretcher. 2 cops, 2 paramedics and lil 'ol me. that was some fun rastlin'. and there was blood flyin' which added to the fun. not mine of course.
once we got him tied to the stretcher, we drove to the hospital. during the rastlin' and the transport he told us that we were nice folks doin' a great job and that he really appreciated it. either that or it was the total opposite. also with him spitting all over the back of the ambulance and telling us what he really thought about our mommas, with f-bombs, and letting us know that we were all "n_____ lovers." the people who had called 911 and were standing next to him when we got there were all black.
once we got him to the e.r., he continued with this type of behavior. while there he decided that a short, sweet, southern bell of a nurse was gonna be his focus while at the hospital. he cussed at her more than anyone else combined. she finally just stopped, looked at him, and said, "honey, if you don't start bein' nice, i'm gonna shove a big 'ol tube, down your lil bitty winkie."
and that's what i'm gonna remember about my first ride-a-long. lil bitty winkie.

A New Car!

now pretend that rod roddy said that. don't know who rod roddy is? famed former announcer for the price is right? you suck at life then. sigh...
i'm writing to let the good fans of MGT know that i did not sell out. i know i've been seen cruisin' around town in a bmw x3. yes it is owned by the meats. no i did not sell out. it is the official Mrs. Meat mobile. since she is my sugar momma, what Mrs. Meat wants, Mrs. Meat gets.
also, to show the world that i am the voice of the people, instead both getting new cars, we went with 1 for the price of 2. why you ask? because how can i voice your concerns while cruising around in a new car? the majority of MGT fans out there are ridin' around in clunkers that barely crank every day. i know i do. the only exceptions are our corporate sponsors. and we love you guys.
so as long as i am still allowed to write to the people of the world, i will continue to drive a car with a cd player that doesn't work. a car that leaks so much oil i have to call it a "self-changing oil system" to keep from sounding like a total loser. a car that hasn't been washed in 8 months because the dirt is the only thing holding it together. a car with seats that are so stained, you want a shot of penicillin when you get out.
so to answer your question of why? because you do, i do.
POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!!