Meat Tourney

i'm just jeaolous i didn't think to do this first.

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=lukas/090323

what if the winners got together and had a child you ask? well, the answer is simple. the child would be king of the world.

March Happiness

it's tourney time.
i'm excited.
that's all that needs to be said.

Meatshank Redemption

i feel the need to let my fabulous faithful followers out there know a little bit more about me.

i love cooking, my wife, s.l.a.m. (saturday lunch at manglers), music, long walks on the beach, bourbon, the cabaret, and things of that such. i may have said to much. but most important for you to know is that, i, without remorse, love the movie shawshank redemption. there. i've said it. i feel so much better. i stand by it. i love it. any naysayers, bring it. there is a reason it is the movie most searched for on imdb.com (a great site if you've never been) it has everything you need in a movie. 

-love. even if its boggs, the leader of the "bull queers" as red calls them, and his love for andy. its still love. kinda.

-action. there are a few fight scenes, just as there should in a prison movie. actually, they may be more like beat down scenes, since its not a lot of 1-on-1 fighting. (ain't prison rape a bitch?)

-hope. which is the central theme. of the movie and life in general.

-hank williams. need i say more? no. i needn't. but i did. guess i ruined that point.

-sadness. when brooks died, it was the first time i ever cried in a movie. i'm kidding. real men don't cry in movies. but if i weren't a real man, i would have.

-pin-ups. rita hayworth. wow. i'm bias though, i have a thing for red heads. (a nod to you mrs. meat!)

-the phrase "pinch a loaf." the first time i heard it, it was my phrase of the day for like a week. it was a very good week.

-morgan freeman. he's great in everything. even the really bad robin hood that had kevin costner. i never knew robin hood had the same accent as a corn farmer from iowa.

-suspense. the morning that andy doesn't come out of his cell, my heart sank. and then i grinned. i shall tell you no more in case you haven't seen it on one of the 5 billion times its been on tbs, or tnt. thanks mr. turner.

-redemption. i wonder where they got the name for the movie?

i could go on for days about the wonderful qualities of the greatest movie to never get nominated for the best picture oscar, but you could watch it quicker than i could get my thoughts on the proverbial paper. so go get some popcorn, and don't drop the soap. you won't be sorry. especially about dropping the soap. that would be bad. you'll thank me in the morning.

Mangler's is Shorter Than Mine

jason a.k.a. mangler submited his top ten list on sat and i am just now getting around to posting. in no particular order:

Prince - musicology
ozma - spending time on the border line
weezer - Pinkerton
radiohead - hail to the thief
the beatles - abbey road
counting crows - august and everything after
brand new - God and the devil are raging inside me
of montreal - skeletal lamping
pedro the lion - control
superdrag - in the valley of dying stars

Mine Goes All the Way to 11!!

i promised my faithful following a list of my top 10 favorite albums of all time a little over a week ago, but i ran into a snag. i have 11 songs that i like equally. and since it's my blog, i can break the rules. the following are my top eleven favorite albums of all time in no particular order:

jack johnson - brushfire fairytales

the killers - sam's town

sublime - sublime

brand new - deja entendu

weezer - weezer (the blue album)

the strokes - room on fire

collective soul - hints, allegations, and things left unsaid

tom waits - nighthawks at the diner

gnarls barkley - st. elsewhere

cake - fashion nugget

muse - black holes & revelations

enjoy.

Show Some Love, In an Elevator

why? great googly moogly why? why is it that when people get on an elevator all conversations cease? its o.k. to keep conversating if you and a friend get on an elevator and there is a person on it you don't know. i was on an elevator the other day and four ladies got on. when the doors opened i could hear the head lady (not the leader, the lady with a huge head) chatting ab the cookout she was at last weekend. she made a quip and the other three ladies started giggling, but as they crossed the threshold of the elevator the laughter stopped. and we rode up four floors in total silence. when they reached the floor of destiny, they all stepped off and as their legs stepped onto non-moving floor, the conversation picked up right where they left off. the potato salad. its kinda rude to treat me like a commie spy. i know its a confined area, but you can say, "hey. hows it goin?" or even just keep the conversation going.

just do it people. be polite on an elevator. together we can change this crappy social rule. farting is still banned though.

And the Oscar Goes to...

i would like to begin this post by giving a belated congratulations and thanks to the winners of the 81st oscars. congrats for the "W" and thanks for letting me know you are out there. i recently added you to my netflix. 

the awards and the talk about "who's best" got me thinkin about an old post i had when i mentioned how good the strokes album "room on fire" was, and then mentioned that a list of my top 5 albums was to come soon. mangler, joey, stew and i are now officially making a top 10 favorite albums of all time. only rule is it can't be a greatest hits album. list should be in by next saturday. remember, its your personal favorite 10 of all time. its o.k. to put a hanson album on there paul. if you like 'em, do it. i will let my thousands of adoring fans know what we come up with.

excuse me, got some jammin' to do.

The Rise of the Penguin!!!

i'm mark the penguin. you know, the hot fowl in the picture? meat knows sex sells so he put my face out front. since he went to work i took over for a quick morning post. when the owners head out they think i just stand here on the counter and watch the coffee pot. i'm actually online buying stocks. if the puking baby can do it why can't a bird? i'm also screwing with his blog. giving you guys the inside scoop. he thinks he's so cool for having a blog. he's just another moron who thinks he has some writing ability. he's wrong. i'm the real genius behind all this. his "meet meat" post, that was my title idea. he doesn't wash his hands when he goes to the bathroom, i had to add that part because he's an unsanitary fool. i'm the one who put those pictures on there the other day. i wanted the world to see how funny lookin that guy is. you think he knows that hair style has never been in style? that's just what mothers do to kids with fat heads. you shoulda seen him last night. the red head that lives here was gone last night and he was in the kitchen with dancing and singin how he will survive at the top of his lungs. and just so you know, he promotes the stereotype of white men and rhythm. i'm pretty sure that steve martin's character from "the jerk" would dominate him in a dance off.

well it's been fun guys. i'll bring the dirt again soon but for now i gotta go pee on the floor in front of the litter box and get the cat in trouble.

Pythagoras, My Hero

i have an english test tomorrow. i don't like english. i'm a math guy. x=6. thats an answer in math. no debate. finite. i like my english teacher. she's young and fun and rather a.d.d. thats fun. there are to many possible answers in english. "what do you think the author meant by that?" i think the author meant what he said. thats why he said it that way. if he meant something else by it, why didn't he just say that? we don't need to put words in dead guys' mouths. thats just icky.

maybe i can make this into a math problem.

english 102 = the vin diesel classic, the fast and the furious.

they both suck, but i'm entertained during both.

math saves the day again.

Zip it While You're Unzipped

this is a post for men. sorry ladies. i will post for you in the coming months.
to many men are breaking the man law of the public bathroom (Article 3.21-B in your man law manual.) this concerns me because if men will break one of the most basic of the man laws, then what next? men buying lap dogs, naming them tootsie and putting a bow and an embroidered sweater on it? we all know that brings a penalty of revoking of the man card on the spot when another man calls you on it.
the following is a list of rules all men need to know and follow when in a public restroom:

1. if you are standing at a urinal, and there is another man in the urinal next to you, EYES FORWARD. no arguments. no discussion. that's the rule. follow it! if you own a restaurant, as a follower of this law i would like to request putting newspapers up in front of the urinals. this encourages eyes forward.

2. if there is no divider between urinals and you are on an end unit, aim towards the wall. if you are in the center, get as close as possible to the urinal. we all have periphery, and no one wants to catch an accidental glimpse.

3. no talking. i don't wanna stirring conversation while i'm peeing. talk to me at the sink while i'm washing my hands. and guys, wash your hands. for goodness sake. just do it.

3.A) conversations are allowed if you see a close friend. close friend will be defined as someone you would walk up to a kick in the booty while they were standing at the urinal and both parties would find that funny. if one of the parties would not find that funny, no talking until the sink.

3.B) conversations are allowed if the person is not a close friend, but an acquaintance and you were talking with the person when you entered the restroom. this is the continuance clause.

3.C) this is not a conversation, but an "i'm sorry, dude . let me buy you a beer" is not only allowed, but for your safety highly recommended in the event that your aim fails you and you pee on your neighbors shoe.

4. if man 1 is at urinal, man 2 must skip a space. proper etiquette says that if you have your choice of any urinal you go for the outside first. allowing more space for proper skipage. if there 2 urinals and a stall, and one urinal is taken, man 2 must take the stall. if there are 2 adult urinals, and 1 kids urinal, man 2 may have to use the kids if that's proper skipage. if there are multiple stalls, proper skipage must be used there also.

5. sword fighting is never allowed. ever!

6. always leave the seat up. if you are married i know this goes against everything you've been taught, but that way if a dude has to drop a deuce he is the only one who has to touch the toilet seat. remember that this rule is only in a men's public restroom. i don't want any of you guys blaming me when you get in trouble at home for leaving the seat up.

7. if you have to drop a deuce, courtesy flush. often. need i say more?

8. farting is ok. its the men's room. let 'em fly boys!! feel free to complement them.

i think that bringing these rules back to the limelight, the world we be a better place. at least the men's room will be. speaking of which, excuse me...

coogin'widfriens

welcome to the nfl playoff version of meatheads good times! (forever to be referred to in this blog as mgt.) and what playoff game would be complete without food? a bad one. that's what.
so i prolly won't talk about football. more food.
but for you die hard football fans, john mcclane says, get it...die hard,john mcclane?...anywho, john mcclane says look for steelers/eagles in the super bowl. steelers are built for cold weather, which doesn't help much in tampa. look for the eagles in the super bowl by a touchdown. yippee ki-yay.
now that i've been distracted with bad jokes and pig skin, we go on to the food. tomorrow i will prepare gumbo. it will be a 3 hour or so affair that will end in full bellies and dreams of well, dreams. maybe we should listen to some roy orbison while we cook. roy orbison, you know "in dreams," "dream baby?" great music. you should check it out. distracted again. it is the first installment in 2009 of saturday lunch at manglers. or s.l.a.m. as we call it. (just made that up) just a reason to cook and hang with friends. and maybe drink a frosty cold adult beverage. its a great way to start your saturday.
we decided to go with the Alton Brown (food royalty) recipe for gumbo! we get to make a roux, shrimp stock which involves boiling shrimp heads and tails and also grill some andouille sausage. gots to love the pork. throw in some cayenne pepper, onions, peppers, celery, okra and bay leaves because all good meals involve bay leaves and that's some mgt good eats. plus we get to speak cajun, which is easier than you think. put no emphasis on any hard consonant, blend all words into one long one, then put a drunk french redneck sound to it and you may as well have been raised way down in louisiana close to new orleans, back up in the woods among the evergreens.
its just how the production and management staff here at mgt get down on the weekend. i would like to invite all loyal fans to join us one saturday. you won't regret it. unless i have a mental lapse and let stephen cook. punch me if i do that.
seriously. punch me. just not in the face. i'm kinda pretty.

Correction. I'm an Idiot.

in a previous post, "Strokin'," i made a reference to how good the album "reptilia" by the strokes is. the problem with that statement is, the strokes never did an album called "reptilia." "reptilia" is the second track from the album "room on fire." "room on fire" is a great album. in my opinion, the best the strokes have done to date.
now, to make things right.
i would like to apologize to the strokes first and foremost for claiming to be a fan, then making false claims.
next i would like to apologize to my unborn children. you should expect more out of your future father, and i should really set the bar much higher.
finally, i would like to apologize to my numerous fans whom i let down.
this mistake proves that i am not on any blog-enhancing drugs. i just hope all of the rumors linking me to steroids, balco, and barry bonds will now subside.

Staples in the Head, and Make Believe Doctors

today, i pulled a staple out of a persons head. it was AWESOME!!!! and not a staple from a bad office accident. a friend had a 4-wheelin accident and i was flattered when she chose me to remove the staple that the doctor had so painfully put in.
while preparing for the minor surgery, i asked a doctor at work if it was easy? i figured that since the doctor had given her the option of coming to the hospital and having it removed or having someone else take it out, how hard could it be. i will save you the suspense, i didn't kill her. the doctor at work told me that it was not as simple as it seems. when i watched some videos on America's learning center, youtube, i got a little worried. they were huge staples. one video made it sound like the guy removing the staples was surgeon and he said "don't try this at home" and then commented about getting squirted in the eye by blood when he removed the first staple.
turns out, the head staple works similar to an office staple. curls under and all. i was impressed at how far under it went. once i got the staple out, i realized that there was as much showing, as was under the skin. madness!!
luckily for me, she had a small staple (about the thickness of a standard office supply.) so instead of doing like the video said, i just cut the staple in half with some heavy duty wire cutters then pulled them out. she said on a scale of 1-10 with 1 not hurting, and 10 being getting all your limbs removed then being dipped in lime juice this was about a 4.5. but that was because i pulled the staple out slowly. but now that i know how long they are, i woulda just yanked those beeotches out therefore lowering the pain level to a 2. so i'd hope.
the moral of the story is, if i don't know how to do it, i can figure it out. like my 3rd favorite tv dr. (quick shout out to j.d from scrubs at #2 and of course doogie at #1) chris turk from scrubs said, "learn by doing." and if i think its gonna hurt, i'm just gonna give you a shot of bourbon. bottoms up!

Get on the Right Side

its time that we set something straight. which way is the proper way to walk when going down a hall/walkway and you approach another person? i propose that we all follow traffic laws of the country we are in. england, we go left. here in the good 'ol U.S. of A. we stay to the right. this will prevent the awkward dancing.

also this law should also apply to hugs. that way there is no chance of the accidental kiss. never good when 2 dudes hug.

these are the laws. obey them!

punishable by public flogging

'Tis the Season

for Christmas parties!!!!!!!! as if the victoria's secret fashion show didn't officially kick of the holiday season, tonight is mrs. meathead's office Christmas party. this is a good time to be had by all. good eats (alton brown plug). good company (get the pun?). and OPEN BAR! i always know its Christmas when i see one of mrs. meat's drunk co-workers getting carried out.

kids these days.

tonight will be fun because infinity marketing does work with website pipeline where a couple of my friends work so that will be fun. this year they are having it at soby's loft (you have to say it with a smug accent) this year instead of at their office which will be fun but i will miss the coziness of the office and good 'ol cody johnson behind the bar. its always good when you know the bartender. i hope they let him do it tonight just for old times sake. then i will never have to wait in line for a beer.

hooray beer!

Waiting is the Hardest Part

today is the day before thanksgiving, or as turkeys know it armageddon, and i am one of the masses who will be traveling on America's roadways to see family. eventually. we are currently waiting to depart from my mothers to go to the great city of nashville tennessee. the waiting is caused by a sick horse. yes the same horse that threw me off of him about a month ago. karma? maybe. who really knows. the one thing i do know is that we are goin on 3 hrs for the delay and i'm ready for the open road. but that gives me time to chat with you kind folks. the thing i remember most about turkey day would prolly be when i was young and we would go to my great aunt's house in inman sc and after lunch all the kids would get sent outside to play by the adults while all the guys took naps and the ladies cleaned and talked. i never understood why you would take a nap on thanksgiving. now in my old age it sounds so good. since the vet is not here yet, i may take a nap and give ya'll a chance to tell me about your favorite thanksgiving memory.
and GO!

The Way of Life According to Prince

wow! this is awesome!
http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/61897387
and you thought Prince (he qualifies as a deity) was gay. just because you wear pants without an ass, or a purple crushed velvet suit with puffy shirt, it doesnt mean your gay.
Prince drink!!!

King Lear's Best Man

when someone trys to shoot down your dream of blogging to the masses (or in my case the single digit crowds) you have no choice but to fight through. my "friend" blake does not support my blogging which is highly unfortunate. its a great way for me to tell up to 9 people what i think about any particular subject matter. its o.k. though. once i fight these tears back and can see the screen better i will be fine.

i know when i was talking to ol' bill shakespeare back in march of 1612, he told me how his friends told him "king lear was stupid and whats with this hamlet crap." and look at what we think of him today. yes thats right. i can't wait till 2460 when some says "rememeber that friend of the great meathead? he didn't think anything would come of it."

oh yea...just wait 452 years. i will be the bomb!

STROKIN'

i heard a song from the strokes second album "reptilia" today while on the way back from a run. the run was brutal. so cold. so windy. but five miles later i felt better about myself.

anyhoo....back to the strokes. i had totally forgotten just how good this album is. when thinking back to my bachelor days, i realized that this particular cd stayed in my cd player in my room for more than 2 years. it was my alarm and i woke up to it every day for 2 years. and i still think its awesome. every song leads so wonderfully into the next, and they all blend so well together. and the most amazing part, unlike most albums, there is no song that sucks. it will definitely go down in my book as one of my top 5. i now just have to figure out my other 4 in that group. list to come soon.

i say good day!

The Bridge to Everywhere

today, i consider myself, the luckiest man, on the face of the earth. because today is the grand re-opening of hammett bridge!!! no more goin around by booty to get to my elbow. for those of you not in the know, this is the bridge on hammett bridge road (wonder where that name comes from) just below riverside high. the bridge was taken down in march because it was deemed "decrepit." there is probably a more technical bridge term out there, but since i'm no bridge-ologist that will have to do. so for the past 8 months i've been making a 30 min drive to work every morning. but today, today was different. 15 min, and i was in the office parking lot. oh happy day. think of the possibilities! chocolate cake for breakfast? college football year round? dogs and cats living together? peta fanatics having a cheeseburger? well, that may be taking it a little far but this could be the restart of a good thing.